Friends! Romans! Countrymen! Lend me your ears! They say you should beware the Ides of March… But what about when they’re referring to a surprising, romantic, emotional and tense episode of The CW’s Riverdale, “Chapter Seventy: The Ides of March”? Chances are you should still beware, because bad things a’coming the way of Archie Andrews (KJ Apa) and his pals.

Directed by Claudia Yarmy and written by Chrissy Maroon and Evan Kyle, “The Ides of March” takes its name from the day Julius Caesar was assassinated by his (formerly) trusted advisors. Traditionally, that’s happened every March 15, and since Caesar got totes stabbed a bunch of times, it’s a day filled with foreboding and dread.

That’s par for the course for Riverdale, since the teens of the Town With Pep know nothing but murder and darkness. That includes the aforementioned Archie, who has been wrestling with balancing two businesses — his father’s construction company, and a community center/boxing gym — and his school work. Also his girlfriend Veronica Lodge (Camila Mendes), who has been managing four businesses — Pop’s diner, dance club La Bonne Nuit, a speakeasy called The Maple Club, and a rum business — while reeling from the news that her father Hiram (Mark Consuelos) has a degenerative neuromuscular disorder.

But more than anyone, it impacts Jughead Jones (Cole Sprouse) and his girlfriend Betty Cooper (Lili Reinhart), who have been trying to get to the bottom of what’s going on in the weird, elite school Stonewall Prep. Clearly, the smarmy Bret Weston Wallis (Sean Depner) has it out for them, but does the seemingly supportive Donna Sweett (Sarah Desjardins) have less than savory designs on hashtag Bughead, as well? And how, if at all, does this lead into the seemingly impending death of Jughead?

With that preamble in mind, let’s get into some teasing for this week’s episode.. But beware of what you might learn.

The Fault In Varchie’s Stars
Owning six businesses between them doesn’t leave a lot of time for Riverdale‘s hottest and heaviest couple to get together — or at least it hasn’t over the past few episodes. That all changes this week, as Veronica and Archie (a.k.a., #Varchie) do it here, do it there, they do it everywhere. However nice the doin’ it might be, though, it may not be for the best reasons. And as Veronica starts to spiral, will Archie be too busy with his own concerns — or perhaps he might get the right advice from the most unlikely of sources.

The Evil That Women Do
Say, is that Veronica’s half-sister Hermosa (Mishel Prada) in a blonde wig? Looks like someone has been taking tips from Veronica’s stealth alter ego, Monica Posh. But the bigger eye opener is what the elder Lodge is doing in a Cheryl and Toni sandwich. Don’t worry, your fave girlfriends aren’t headed for rocky tides or anything… But La Bonne Nuit might want to open some windows, because it is getting hot in here. There. I mean, there.

Et tu, Bughead?
For over half the season, Jughead and Betty have been grappling with just what is going on at Stonewall Prep. Is it just a school? Actively evil? Or the regular amount of evil that any place filled with privileged kids and teachers tends to exist in? When Jughead gets some extremely bad news, the couple tries to fight back any way they can. But will they be outmaneuvered?

There are twists and turns in this story you won’t see coming, some that finally bring together threads that have delicately been laid down over the past 12 episodes, and an incredibly romantic #Bughead moment that — hopefully, without overselling it — made me break out in goosebumps. And in the end? Well… That would be telling.


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